funny group description

Generic Idealistic College Activist Group
Type:
Common Interest - Beliefs & Causes
Description:
There are a lot of bad things in the world: AIDS, poverty, famine, Republicans. We, the bright-eyed bushy tailed college students of America, will be the ones to fix them!!!! We realize that the problems of which we speak are infinitely more complicated than our Introductory Sociology reading syllabi could ever have anticipated, and that scores and scores of the world’s leading “progressive” thinkers have tried and failed to use other pipe-dream solutions to make the world a better place (as we define it). But never you mind!!! We’re college students. We know things. Who needs real-world experience and common sense when we have petitions, bumper stickers, and Noam Chomsky?

The mission of this group is nothing less than revolutionary, and the ideas expressed in it are fresh and innovative! The mission includes:

1. Social justice, social tolerance, social freedom, social rights, social society, and social studies

2. Universal education, universal healthcare, universal health insurance, universal housing, universal employment, and universal happiness!!

3. An end to war, poverty, hunger, AIDS, hate, discrimination, genocide, famine, disease, intolerance, racism, sexism, classism, nationalism, heterosexism, religionism, ethno-centrism, socio-eco-classo-sexo-nationalism, unilateralism, quadrilateralism, pollution, inequality, terrorism, crime, bad weather, anger, fear, sadness, heartache, death, fatigue, general human disatisfaction, disagreement, uncertainty, meanness, pain, and inconvenience!!

4. Peace in the Middle East!! This can be a reality, people. Jimmy Carter has a book about it, and the suicide bombers WILL sit down and read it!!

5. A return to international law and the United Nations!! Specifically, we’d like global peace and prosperity, and the UN is the only conceivable way to achieve it!!

6. More foreign aid!! We’ve given billions to third world nations already, but for some reason, the citizens of those nations never see it (because we’re not giving enough!). Thankfully, however, the leaders of those countries have reminded us that we need to send more - and it is our duty to do so, and their right to our money!!

7. Fair and free elections in Disputed Northeastern Congo Section 17-B

8. Free Mumia (we’re not sure what he did but according to various Web sites which we’re predisposed to agree with anyway, he’s innocent!)

9. A more equitable and just distribution of the wealth!! We have to make free market capitalism work by shackling it with suffocating and arbitrary laws, regulations, activist judges, centralized state control and ownership of all means of production, and think tank policy papers

10. Gay rights, women’s rights, black rights, workers’ rights, disability rights, immigrant rights, foreigners’ rights, intergalactic aliens’ rights, atheist rights, poor people’s rights, homeless rights, and one-armed Alaskan battery dealers’ rights

11. Fairness, equality, love, peace, and brother/sister/non-gender-specific-hood, forever and ever, non-religion-specific Amen!!

We are the world, be the change you wish to see, and other motivational slogans!!